Learning means being bad at things

After what I have written to be considered my own magnum opus, I have struggled to write anything since. While that post lacks understanding of how quantum physics really works (as well as several other grammatical errors, phrasing, and such that might be in there), it's still is the best piece of "fictional pondering" that I have written. Considering I put it on such a high pedestal, it's hard to compare any other pieces of writing to that. But I'm no Franz Kafka. I don't write fiction most of the time. My writing style is usually a commentary directed at a secondary audience (i.e. blog posts). I'm not even a writer per-se, but I enjoy the act of trying to convey my ideas in hopes that someone can resonate with it in some meaningful way.

What really stops me from writing, or practicing any skill for that matter, is the act of being a beginner. A lot of things come naturally to me such as musical instruments, basic math concepts, physical sports. During those beginning stages, I am just a Really Good Beginner. When it comes to honing those skills that require dedication and hard work, I tend to shy away from it. Am I scared of commitment? Am I just that brainrotted and distracted? Or is it because I cannot fathom at being bad at something so I assume that the certain skill I am trying to get better at is just a waste? Spoiler: it's all of those things.

In the age of social media, it's natural to think that efforts made towards a new skill, a new concept, or anything to be learned, is subpar. The act of Trying and Failing are secrets kept locked away, with only the highlight reel being shown. It's only the Best Times being shown, seeds of victory sown to reap the rewards of awe and jealously of others. It's lazy to show hard work. And even if hard work is shown, it's downplayed by "luck" or "circumstance" or given the "happy ending" that you have achieved something. I'm not downplaying others achievements, but rather criticizing how social media breeds competition and comparison to other's circumstances.

The Algorithm perpetuates perfection and rewards clickbait-y-ness of the content that you see. It's all about "life hacks", "here's what I did to lose 30 pounds in 2 days", and "why war times are actually good for American economics"¹¹. Rarely is it ever rewarding for actual growth and self-improvement. While that's an over-generalization to how social media really is, it still influences how we think, learn, and navigate the world.

With all that being said, I think the real aversion to learning stuff is perfectionism and the fear of failing. While social media and The Algorithm are not 100% culpable, it definitely intensifies the feeling that I am lacking. Being okay with subpar performance means admitting that I'm not perfect. It means backtracking, failing, trying, falling down, yet still taking a deep breath and pushing the boulder up the hill, and that's ok.

Am I a better writer because of this admission to being bad at things, specifically writing? No.

But I would like to think that the courage of putting this out there is the first act of Learning to be Bad at Things for me.