As I grow older, my perspective on goodbyes has changed. I think I have said "goodbye" more times than I have said "hello". Sometimes they are heartfelt, sometimes they are hurtful. I used to think that the quality of a goodbye really dictates how you feel about it. But there are goodbyes that I have said that mean a lot to me, yet I don't have any big emotions that come up. Is it because I don't care? Or is it because during those goodbyes I haven't processed what my life will be like without that relationship? Overall, goodbyes have had less of a finale feeling and more of a "see you later" feeling, even if "see you later" isn't always guaranteed.

Instead of thinking about a goodbye as something that finalizes a relationship with someone, think of it like another part of that relationship. The act of saying goodbye is like putting a pause on the relationship leaving it as open or as closed as it can be. That decision to say goodbye may or may not final, but for the time being, that relationship is up to interpretation to how it shaped and influenced all parties involved.

As I look back on the many relationships that have ended in various ways, I have realized that I don't get as sad as I once did when reminiscing. When I look back, it isn't one of a tragedy, but it just is. I have come to accept the ever changing circumstances of life and the moments that I cannot control. I think that in terms of relationships, I now view them as getting to experience other people and watch as they paint with colors that I have never seen. They get to shape me as I shape them too. They get to challenge my values and beliefs as I navigate whatever this life is supposed to be about. Maybe that's why I don't get so sad all the time. I recognize how these bonds influence me, and I know that if time allows, and our circumstances collide once more, maybe I'll be lucky enough to say goodbye again.